I feel good, I am feeling a lot more positively about being pure, I still have a lot of residue and I am still a big sinner, but I am working on it. 1 Thessalonians 4:3-4 pretty much talks about abstaining from Sexual Immorality is God's will for your life. I am slowly putting this truth into action and taking heed to the call. I appreciate things better, my self-control is becoming stronger and when I think about things that are naturally wanting me to punch someone in the face, I feel that I would be better able to control urges while being celibate and Immaculate in Sexual activity, or in other words without it.
I feel my face becoming clearer in the mirror, I like what I see more often when I look at myself. I have been getting some urges to feed my desires but I don't and I thank myself every time I don't. I have a lot of energy that usually gets put into thinking and enjoying intellectualism like creationism, science, and different televised education programs. I am better able to reflect on the thoughts and think about how the world was made and just use my brain for entertainment on other levels rather then exasperating all my energy into fantasizing and producing an orgasm, which i am guessing uses a lot of energy, which is why a lot of people are quite fag in their stature, they put all their energies into expelling them into sex. I think of it as my life force, libido and creative drive, by harnessing it and capturing it i can bottle an extreme amount of potential and use it for greater things, and it is god's will for my life, so it's like God gave it to me for this purpose, possibly?
I am still looking for jobs, when I was on the streets the other day, I didn't think about sex, but I prayed and sought out God a lot, mostly for comfort and protection, also to see him better, I think about Going to heaven and pearly gates and it might be that he will send me to Hell, but I am holding onto the confidence that I am forgiven and already a member of heaven, it's a good thought and I think if you hold onto that you eventually will live up to it in every way, which is why the forgiveness of Jesus Christ is so revolutionary, it doesn't have condemnation in it. God accepted me the way I was, but he didn't leave me where I was, he LOVES me enough to take me further and correct all that I had incorrect and transform me into a better person who can love more, better and better able.
If I were to talk to someone about being pure from sex, I would want to tell them that it isn't an easy idea to get through the minds of people, you have to believe it is what you want inside of yourself before you express it to the world, because a lot of it will fight you the whole way, not wanting you to be pure.
My past experiences have given me a lot of thoughts that the world hates my purity and will do anything to destroy it, and in very keen, cunning ways it has happened. A lot of my experiences in Holiness and attempting to be pure and right with God were very thwarted by the constant battle with masturbation, I look back and think of masturbation as a sort of protective shell that was keeping me in myself and self centered for protection from something, I am not sure what but it was a way of God keeping me with himself and I only.
But now, I am very aware of others and becoming much more non-self centered and it is an affect of being pure, I can relate better to others, think of others more, and I have a lot more energy, I also get to see peoples hearts instead of looking at them as pieces of meat, or myself as a piece of meat.
I still have a lot of residue with my sexual purity, I am not always pure but I do try my best to be it, I know I am not right with God, but I do know that in his time he will make all things new and train me into what he exactly wants me to be, as it is written, I am not what I shall be, I am being made new, I am a new creation in Christ Jesus.
I love music, I listen to it a LOT, I find more beauty in it, I have a lot more love for others, my "ID" as Freud would say is being changed into a life force which I use for Love. I use my Love to express all my soul through whatever medium it may be, and my soul is a lot more colorful being pure. I feel a lot more sacred and I don't feel worn out or faggish, I feel like the purer I get the stronger I become, better able to face any battle, I feel that I am being strengthened, knowing I won't fail.
I am more aware to my body, and becoming much more SOUND in thoughts, attitude, reflection, self analyzation, I feel I am becoming something for a big cause. I use to dream a lot about self denial and self sacrifice for God, I used to dream about Martyrism and how it would be such a battle to have to literally die for something you believe in. If these thoughts are true, and I am called to be a martyr for God, I have to remember it would be a privilege and I would be rewarded in Heaven, and that God wouldn't call me to do anything I wouldn't be able to do, he will help me through anything he puts in my way, knowing I can accomplish whatever it is.
When I am alone, I am much more at peace, and am filled with more abundant Joy, when I eat, I am filled with more Joy, when I do things, I am filled with more joy and confidence. When I apply for jobs, i am much more confident and know that if I don't get the one I want, I'll just keep looking, I don't feel to defeated nor do I think I will break, I am thinking and trying more of enhancing and fixing my body, by stretching, eating right, and being healthy, it isn't a strive but more of a natural reaction, I am more aware of my sacredness as a being made from the earth with life breathed into it from God, and I am much more aware of the life around me that the maker and being in the whole atmosphere is in everything, I think much more about spirits and spirituality and how there are other forces guiding us, it may even be evident in the fact of the polar forces at work in our earth. I think about the possibilities of life beyond me and earth, the more I get holy and into the form god created me to be, like a little child who doesn't have sexual desire, I can dream, wonder, and think with truly great thoughts. I don't have to be depressed and my emotions are much more healthy, I get sad, I think the thoughts through and I come through to the other side of where it is supposed to be, I don't bottle of feelings or emotions but rather process them as they happen, same with the sexual ones, I let them happen, but do not have to act on them and in that way itself I am being healed, maybe when I gave into them, I was actually causing more pain than if I just let them happen and moved on passed them.
Sometimes it gets hard, the feelings get overwhelming and very powerful, and I feel like I have to "let off some steam" but, I like this analogy, "If you are filled with a lot of steam, why not become a strong steam engine..." in that fact lots of our industry was built and powered. Who knows, maybe eventually you might change your energy into a more powerful, like coal, then gasoline, then eventually nuclear energy, then eventually you, I can become a powerhouse of power and strength, all by harnessing the power god naturally gave you that a lot of people waste with porn, sex, media and indulgence. Indulging all the time is just as bad as killing yourself, you trade your humanity for a piece of meat.
I am becoming sacred, holy like, and very organic, and I love it.
I feel my face becoming clearer in the mirror, I like what I see more often when I look at myself. I have been getting some urges to feed my desires but I don't and I thank myself every time I don't. I have a lot of energy that usually gets put into thinking and enjoying intellectualism like creationism, science, and different televised education programs. I am better able to reflect on the thoughts and think about how the world was made and just use my brain for entertainment on other levels rather then exasperating all my energy into fantasizing and producing an orgasm, which i am guessing uses a lot of energy, which is why a lot of people are quite fag in their stature, they put all their energies into expelling them into sex. I think of it as my life force, libido and creative drive, by harnessing it and capturing it i can bottle an extreme amount of potential and use it for greater things, and it is god's will for my life, so it's like God gave it to me for this purpose, possibly?
I am still looking for jobs, when I was on the streets the other day, I didn't think about sex, but I prayed and sought out God a lot, mostly for comfort and protection, also to see him better, I think about Going to heaven and pearly gates and it might be that he will send me to Hell, but I am holding onto the confidence that I am forgiven and already a member of heaven, it's a good thought and I think if you hold onto that you eventually will live up to it in every way, which is why the forgiveness of Jesus Christ is so revolutionary, it doesn't have condemnation in it. God accepted me the way I was, but he didn't leave me where I was, he LOVES me enough to take me further and correct all that I had incorrect and transform me into a better person who can love more, better and better able.
If I were to talk to someone about being pure from sex, I would want to tell them that it isn't an easy idea to get through the minds of people, you have to believe it is what you want inside of yourself before you express it to the world, because a lot of it will fight you the whole way, not wanting you to be pure.
My past experiences have given me a lot of thoughts that the world hates my purity and will do anything to destroy it, and in very keen, cunning ways it has happened. A lot of my experiences in Holiness and attempting to be pure and right with God were very thwarted by the constant battle with masturbation, I look back and think of masturbation as a sort of protective shell that was keeping me in myself and self centered for protection from something, I am not sure what but it was a way of God keeping me with himself and I only.
But now, I am very aware of others and becoming much more non-self centered and it is an affect of being pure, I can relate better to others, think of others more, and I have a lot more energy, I also get to see peoples hearts instead of looking at them as pieces of meat, or myself as a piece of meat.
I still have a lot of residue with my sexual purity, I am not always pure but I do try my best to be it, I know I am not right with God, but I do know that in his time he will make all things new and train me into what he exactly wants me to be, as it is written, I am not what I shall be, I am being made new, I am a new creation in Christ Jesus.
I love music, I listen to it a LOT, I find more beauty in it, I have a lot more love for others, my "ID" as Freud would say is being changed into a life force which I use for Love. I use my Love to express all my soul through whatever medium it may be, and my soul is a lot more colorful being pure. I feel a lot more sacred and I don't feel worn out or faggish, I feel like the purer I get the stronger I become, better able to face any battle, I feel that I am being strengthened, knowing I won't fail.
I am more aware to my body, and becoming much more SOUND in thoughts, attitude, reflection, self analyzation, I feel I am becoming something for a big cause. I use to dream a lot about self denial and self sacrifice for God, I used to dream about Martyrism and how it would be such a battle to have to literally die for something you believe in. If these thoughts are true, and I am called to be a martyr for God, I have to remember it would be a privilege and I would be rewarded in Heaven, and that God wouldn't call me to do anything I wouldn't be able to do, he will help me through anything he puts in my way, knowing I can accomplish whatever it is.
When I am alone, I am much more at peace, and am filled with more abundant Joy, when I eat, I am filled with more Joy, when I do things, I am filled with more joy and confidence. When I apply for jobs, i am much more confident and know that if I don't get the one I want, I'll just keep looking, I don't feel to defeated nor do I think I will break, I am thinking and trying more of enhancing and fixing my body, by stretching, eating right, and being healthy, it isn't a strive but more of a natural reaction, I am more aware of my sacredness as a being made from the earth with life breathed into it from God, and I am much more aware of the life around me that the maker and being in the whole atmosphere is in everything, I think much more about spirits and spirituality and how there are other forces guiding us, it may even be evident in the fact of the polar forces at work in our earth. I think about the possibilities of life beyond me and earth, the more I get holy and into the form god created me to be, like a little child who doesn't have sexual desire, I can dream, wonder, and think with truly great thoughts. I don't have to be depressed and my emotions are much more healthy, I get sad, I think the thoughts through and I come through to the other side of where it is supposed to be, I don't bottle of feelings or emotions but rather process them as they happen, same with the sexual ones, I let them happen, but do not have to act on them and in that way itself I am being healed, maybe when I gave into them, I was actually causing more pain than if I just let them happen and moved on passed them.
Sometimes it gets hard, the feelings get overwhelming and very powerful, and I feel like I have to "let off some steam" but, I like this analogy, "If you are filled with a lot of steam, why not become a strong steam engine..." in that fact lots of our industry was built and powered. Who knows, maybe eventually you might change your energy into a more powerful, like coal, then gasoline, then eventually nuclear energy, then eventually you, I can become a powerhouse of power and strength, all by harnessing the power god naturally gave you that a lot of people waste with porn, sex, media and indulgence. Indulging all the time is just as bad as killing yourself, you trade your humanity for a piece of meat.
I am becoming sacred, holy like, and very organic, and I love it.
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