Showing posts with label Love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Love. Show all posts

Saturday, August 6, 2011

dreams:Mike sampson, Johnny, sean porter, hot blonde

I'm still pure,
I had a dream last night that i was with tom and jerico and we were joking about what mike sampson was saying. we used, well they used to always have these jokes based off of words and stuff that were used, they still do, it's really funny. and well... mike sampson kept saying somehting, like, "why is mike always word for word" "why is mike so literall" and jerico would laugh about it, the kind of laugh that just wanted to get others to laugh. I  kept trying to remember in the dream exactly what went on, but all i came to figure out was that all that mattered is that the experiences happened, i am thankful and have a good heart when looking back on those times. we were in some back of warehouse place, probably where we used to skateboard, and it was me tom and jerico, i don't remember anyone else, those were mostly the kids i spent time with when i was in my teenage years. I was a punk little boy I liked cool music and skateboarded, smoked ciggarettes, pot and did drugs. I wasn't in a dangerous place, but i was in a place where it supported my lifestyle.

I had another dream prior to this one and i had a girlfriend we met somewhere in the school i was in, i climbed up an elevator and eventually made it to the top, i was with a friend and while we traveled i met a sarah borum looking girl, we met and talked the other kid eventually dissapeared, after a while the girl and i hung out and went to my brothers house that was on a hill, and i got inside of the house with the girl and got to hang out with a cat, as i hung out with the cat, it followed me around and became very attached to me, which is wierd considring cats aren't like dog's, i remember thinking, oh, shit, this isn't my dog or cat, and i can't keep it, i ended up moving next door into a shitty little hosue, there were others there and the girl was stillwith me, by this time she was hanging on my back like a back pack, she turned into the sexy blonde girl and was really good looking, she was in the corner with me just hanging out and i turned to her and she began to cry about something, lightning shaped from her and i imagined why she was upset, it seemed intentional for her to cry but eventually i found out they were real tears, the best i could help was just to look her in the eyes and wonder, i didn't attempt to comfort her or anything like that cuz i used my brain to instead. I ended up gonig from there to the car with jerico, or a party with them.

Somewhere in between this mess i turned from hanging out with Katie Cascio who put on a lot of make up and turned into Sarah Borum look a like, I went from place to place and it is interesting how the transitions took place, for instance i went from... also i saw a kid i went to highschool with in roanoke, at first he was hunter barnes and he showed me a "king of limbs" t-shirt he had, i was stoked on it and asked if i could have it knowing he wouldn't give it to me. I was with my g.f. at the time while we visited, and i saw hunter and his dad talking, they lived in the shitty house next door underneath my brothers, While i was in there katie and i hung out eventually we went outside and there we met a lot of other people, the atmposphere was dark, like a  trailer park at night, thuogh i wasn't afraid i had a lot of emotions of apprehensiveness and prudenceness, I along with others and eventually i saw erin, galen, and levin inside of a radiohead album, where my mom introduced them as some chicks. I for once saw them as girls, it was odd... we made a tank out of like sand and kitty litter and as we produces it it actually had a real plastic frame, I remember the boy was the one who gave us the incentive to complete the task, he was one of those boys who always wanted to be lifted up, though he knew there was no point and when the time would come, he would lift others up to do things without a point, such as building a tank out of kitty litter and clay, I saw him inside while he was sleeping, it's cool to see that he was at first hunter but changed into another boy. I saw him and smiled a huge smile as i left and went to the uphill route towards my bro's house. I remember with my bro it was always stand off between him and i and his wife was like a bag he bought at the store. or a piece of sale item, there wasn't any real soul in the house, besides the kitties and i always wanted to take em with me though i had no way of taking care of it. as i walked into the house, the cats always swarmed to me, some in particular and i remember trying to get rid of it, though i loved the attention, I couldn't just get rid of the cat. I ended from there to a pool where a sexy blonde with the best body was swirling around a pool on a paddleboard and was followed by even better lookign girls, somehow i got to sit next to the first blonde who all of the boys were very hyped about, when i sat with her, she made tears that looked like lightning bolts and here eyes were shaped like such, i think she came from the trailer park place i was at... "i also had another dream about being in roanoke once, it was I'm not in the mood to type anymore. I want a ciggarette, and food for my stomatch hurts. I also had a lot of times in dreams last night with different bands, and Sean Porter had a party in fact two or three, and he never invited me to any of them. i do remember though he came out with this AWESOME zylophone/keyboard solo and it was the most epic solo i had ever heard and then he welcomed everyone to his party. it was at a kroger and there were these apples everywhere, i kept eating this apple/grapey fruit all the time and people kept looking at me as if i wasn't supposed to be there, And i am pretty sure i wasn't but i was really hugnry, the idea of the party was that you could eat anything in the store and get whatever you wanted as sean and like katie mcguire were the leaders in the music revolution. I can't remember much but i'll say i jsut went from there to tom's car where we talked about mike sampson, and i just listened to the two laugh. It was great.

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Radiohead

Day: 3 w.o.

I've been tempted a lot today to be Sexual, but I am not repressing the thoughts and actions, but rather just admitting them and giving them up, I don't have to feed them, so I don't and plus I am supposed to be pure, so giving into them would be denying my True nature of what I am supposed to be like.

The more I don't give in to them I become like a big fire hydrant getting ready to explode, but I gotta stay positive about it, if I feel like it is too much pressure, then I'll give up on myself, and I already made the decision to stay pure MY WHOLE LIFE. So I am going to stick with it. I'll suture up eventually, I think open sexuality is like a wound that needs healing, and it takes time to heal, so I am not hoping for anything Soon.

I just got done watching Radiohead: The King of Limbs (from the basement) and it was an awesome show, their music sounds just as good if not better live. I find a greater appreciation for art and stuff when I am pure, with a defiled heart, it's just mambo jambo, but I see things clearer. I've been thinking a lot more, and my thoughts are much more active, my self-image and self attitude is also greater and more powerful, I do feel like I can do anything right now and be anything.

I need a job, maybe I can fuel my energy towards getting one, it's also sunday, I've been waking up real late, I need to get my sleep cycle back on track. I also need to do a lot of things, Like get into school if I am going and get all my stuff from my ex-roommate.


5:12 A.M.

I keep seeing that people who grow up as footballers are much different in their attitudes, philosophies, and ways of holding themselves than those who grow up as PUNKS, or SKATEBOARDERS.


God's will for my life is to be Sexually Abstinent.


So, I see I grow up as I stay pure, I don't have a feeling of being under people, I actually feel equal, or superior to people, especially those opposing my views and idea's. I get much more consecrated in my own views and way's of view's, I hate it and love it, Love because I am confident in what I know, Hate it because I may know all that's is wrong, and I am becoming very CONCRETE in what I view and think, but I talk and take in a vast majority of views, the goal is to continue, therefore I can become sure of what I know, and confident in what I know to be TRUTH.


Yeah, so I haven't been tempted much today, Honestly, I haven't been stimulated much, Sex hasn't been much in my life today, well, yesterday, but I haven't slept yet. I view myself in Stage 1 or 2 again.


I feel good being pure, I feel strong, I feel confident, I feel on top of the world and that I can take on a lot of the challenges that will be thrown my way. I hope that I can handle all I do. this confidence is good, considering Paul said "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength" Phillipians 4:13





"Before children, even the most cynical people throw down their usual masks and become capable of feeling the purity and love which all human beings seek."- Sun Myung Moon 


"It is astonishing what force, purity, and wisdom it requires for a human being to keep clear of falsehoods." - Margaret Fuller 


I don't care what anyone say's, I am grateful for who I am and for the upbringing I had, no matter what it entailed, it made me who I am and what I am is full of it, Full of Love. Any Love I have, I attempt to give it to those who need it.